Thing 1, Thing 2

I’ve finally figured out why I was getting nauseous on dialysis – it’s all down to the rate at which I have fluid taken off. It seems I can’t tolerate much more than 800 mls per hour which means that I can only afford to gain about 2 litres between sessions (the computer adds an extra few hundred mls for saline and drinks during the session).

This puts my daily fluid allowance at about 1.5 litres to include all drinks, gravy, jelly, fruit, etc. It’s a tough regime to stick to and it takes its toll on the bowel – I haven’t had a proper No 2 since Monday because I’ve been so strict with my fluids.

I mentioned this to Sister Sailor today and we started joking about enemas and colonic irrigation then she came out with the startling fact that you can give yourself a DIY colonic by waterskiing. Being a sporty type she unwittingly managed this herself when unable to stand up and not wearing a wetsuit this position forced rather a lot of high pressure water where the sun doesn’t normally shine.

This reminded me of an acquaintance of mine who suffering a similar termination of regular bowel action took matters into her own hands with embarrassing consequences. Miss X took an old squeezy mustard bottle, rinsed it thoroughly (or so she thought), filled it with warm water and inserted it into her rectum. She was splattering mustardy poo for days afterwards – every time she sneezed, sat down, coughed, etc. out it would come.

I think I’ll stick to my plums and Senokot for now but I do have a squeezy curry sauce bottle knocking around in the kitchen somewhere …